How to Dine Like a Poverty-Stricken College Student

Let’s say you’re tired of 5-star restaurants, steak and lobster dinners, or $25,000 hot chocolate. You want to eat like starving artists, writers, and college students. You want some genuine inspiration in your life.

I'm inspired to dance!

I’m inspired to dance!

In this first installment, I’ll provide you with a comprehensive shopping list so you can prepare genuine college student fare.

Let’s start with the “meat” group, shall we?

Vienna sausages:

The poor man's cocktail sausages

The poor man’s cocktail sausages

For those of us spending our money frivolously on textbooks, these wee little weiners are a cheap substitute for hotdogs. If you happen to stumble across some hotdog buns that aren’t green with putrid mold and have some leftover mustard packets from your last burger stand splurge, you can make a poor man’s hotdog.

Just close your eyes and pretend!!!!!

Just close your eyes and pretend!!!!!

Spam:

Putting the mystery in mystery meat since fucking always.

Putting the mystery in mystery meat since fucking always.

You know you’ve reached rock bottom when you’re frying Spam in your roommate’s skillet at 3 a.m. and seasoning it with your own bitter tears.

Let’s move on to grains before you tie that noose to the ceiling fan.

Ramen noodles:

"Grains"

“Grains”

Nothing says “I love you” like getting a care package of dehydrated broth, seasonings (read: salt), and noodles. For $5, even your grandma can send you fifty packs of Ramen without making a dent in her social security check.

And for dessert, or any time really, nothing screams starvation-based inspiration like a flavorful cancer stick.

Nomnomnom carcinogens.

Nomnomnom carcinogens.

With this diet, you too can lead a life of inspiration and fitness.

Bitch I'm fabulous!

Bitch I’m fabulous!

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One response to “How to Dine Like a Poverty-Stricken College Student

  1. Pingback: How I Feel About the Word “Pregnant” | Notes From Bat Country

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