Contributor’s Note

Shelby Schultheis is an English writing major and mass communications minor at Loyola University of New Orleans.

Previously, she’s worked at a grocery store which housed a black hole. One night, while working with a friend, she sought to quickly transport a roll of paper towels from one aisle to another by tossing them over the top of the aisle.  No thump or squish resounded.  Curious, Shelby and her friend walked over to the other aisle and noted that the paper towels were not there. Craning their necks, they could not see where the roll of paper towels could have gotten lodged or stuck between the aisles.  They bypassed consulting their manager on this strange occurrence and gave the case to Mulder and Scully.

make it stop moving please

Shelby enjoys moonlit walks on the beach during which she and her cohorts antagonize softshelled crabs by slapping them silly. She also enjoys roasting marshmallows, skydiving, that weird thing where the walls wiggle after staring at a fractal video on youtube for ten minutes, and pygmy hunting in New Mexico.

She hopes to one day establish a honeymoon resort for recently wedded Corgis.

marriedcorgisinspace

The resort is still in the planning stages. At the moment, outer space seems like a viable option since the estate is vast. Also the Oort Cloud looks lovely this time of year.

Shelby also babysits and offers tutoring to young children in her spare time.

babysitting0001

Shelby has published work in The Maroon, LOYNO Magazine, and Loyola Lawyer. She hopes to one day be a stay-at-home book editor who gets paid to read things.

Shelby has dog named Mario, who is not a Corgi.  Mario does not currently live with Shelby but she hopes that they will be reunited soon.MarioShelby currently resides in the middle of nowhere with her fiance.  She would like to move somewhere more populated, perhaps to New Orleans, or Mars.

 

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4 responses to “Contributor’s Note

  1. Courtney O'Donnell

    Black holes are a serious issue and I’m so glad that you shed some light on this epidemic. *Insert applicable Doctor Who/Torchwood reference here*

    I think that the author and her fiance should trade homes with me and my fiance since the howling of bar-hoppers interrupts my beauty sleep far too often.

    Also, dig the comic strip.

    • I blame blackholes for the regular disappearance of my car keys and my phone.

      The author is willing to trade abodes if Ms. O’Donnell does not mind the sound of roosters crowing and the eerie sound that is *too quiet, there must be a deranged axe murderer wandering outside*. Also, can the howling bar-hoppers be used for target practice?

      Cyanide and Happiness forever.

  2. christie sentner

    I am curious as to why the softshell crabs need slapping. And why do corgis need legally binding unions? Are many corgis wealthy? Do they ever make prenuptial agreements? They certainly should if half of all corgi marriages end in corgi divorces.

    • We tried asking the softshell crabs to kindly leave the ocean and get in our bag so we could take them home and cook them but they just wouldn’t listen to reason. When they started calling us mean and hurtful names we regretfully had to resort to slapping them into obedience.

      Corgis deserve the right to wed whomever they please. I’m a strong advocate for equal opportunity marriage between consenting adults, Corgis, and cacti. Love is a beautiful thing.

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