For this assignment we had to post a faux-review on Amazon for a remote control cooler, in the style of the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.
So, without further ado, here is my review for the Interactive Toy Concepts Radio-controlled Cooler:
The epitome of laziness.
Title: Fun for Grandma
I visit my grandma in the nursing home every other week and the last time I was there I used this nifty RC cooler to proclaim my entrance with a six pack of Budweiser and a bottle of prune juice on ice. I cracked open the door to her room where she was watching the Jerry Springer show and drove it right up to her bedside. She absolutely loved it! We had a lovely time knocking back cold ones together until the Maury show came on. Grandma’s not partial to that show, but by golly you can’t pull the remote out of her hands when it’s pudding wrestling week on Springer. A long story short, Grandma digs the remote control cooler. I don’t have room for it in my apartment so she keeps it at the home with her. She says she uses it to antagonize the nurses and to lure some of the elderly gents back to her room.
Shelby Schultheis is an English writing major and mass communications minor at Loyola University of New Orleans.
Previously, she’s worked at a grocery store which housed a black hole. One night, while working with a friend, she sought to quickly transport a roll of paper towels from one aisle to another by tossing them over the top of the aisle. No thump or squish resounded. Curious, Shelby and her friend walked over to the other aisle and noted that the paper towels were not there. Craning their necks, they could not see where the roll of paper towels could have gotten lodged or stuck between the aisles. They bypassed consulting their manager on this strange occurrence and gave the case to Mulder and Scully.
Shelby enjoys moonlit walks on the beach during which she and her cohorts antagonize softshelled crabs by slapping them silly. She also enjoys roasting marshmallows, skydiving, that weird thing where the walls wiggle after staring at a fractal video on youtube for ten minutes, and pygmy hunting in New Mexico.
She hopes to one day establish a honeymoon resort for recently wedded Corgis.
The resort is still in the planning stages. At the moment, outer space seems like a viable option since the estate is vast. Also the Oort Cloud looks lovely this time of year.
Shelby also babysits and offers tutoring to young children in her spare time.
Shelby has published work in The Maroon, LOYNO Magazine, and Loyola Lawyer. She hopes to one day be a stay-at-home book editor who gets paid to read things.
Shelby has dog named Mario, who is not a Corgi. Mario does not currently live with Shelby but she hopes that they will be reunited soon.Shelby currently resides in the middle of nowhere with her fiance. She would like to move somewhere more populated, perhaps to New Orleans, or Mars.
Check out the About the Author section of my blog. I think it’s pretty nifty, but that’s just me.
Oh yeah, the header image in that section? I almost made it the background for the entire site but it was too insane (even for me) to decipher what was text and what was colorful nonsense.
For those of you who don’t want to be burdened with an extra click, I’ll give you a quickie: I’m Shelby Schultheis, an English (Writing) major and mass communications minor in her second to last semester at Loyola.
That’s it! That’s all you get until you click!
Seriously though, I’m looking forward to bonding with all of you in that weird way that only English nerds can bond.